Heavenly love, Human love
But i had to, i have things to prepare for her arrival. In my mind i feel i need to do a good job so we marry and live together happyliy for ever. I also know that this is unlikely. We might not even kiss. Ill be lucky if i get a long hug i think. But it doesnt matter. “Las causas perdidas son de caballeros” said Borges quoteing James joyce ulysess. And ohh i want to be a gentleman an a hero.
I want to talk about something about this girl. I want to be just aaaah about her, talk about all the amzing qualities shes got, i want to talk of how much i lvoe her, but this might not be very entertaining for other people and i have already done this a lot in private writings. Now i want to approach her from another angle, grab her gently by the wrists and intensly look at the eyes of the divine i see in her. The thing is something has been developing about my love to her. I am not opening to her as an individual but i have been enjoying the opening toward the divine feeling of love. Whats the difference of divine love and normal love??? good question good question, this question is needed so i am here not just spouting adjectives to make my story more sexy “i am not just in love, i am special”.
The thing is that this goes on a little further from her. This love enriches lots of aspects of my life, and give me the divine outlook that hangs around the specter of no-self/one-with-everything feeling.
An example of this is how i have taken the archetype and what the girl i am in love represents and how i have integrated into a subpersonalities of my self. The girl i love has a lot of qualities but theres a situation that resonates a lot with me. Her self steem is not the best, something kinda normal in todays world, mine either. ANd this situation seems spectacurly ridicoulous to me. How such a great person, cute, enchanting, smart, kind, sensitive have such a low view of herself. It doesnt make sense even.
It has come to me in my mind the picture of the cherry bloossomed flower. How can such a beutiful flower dislike itself? its almost funny because of the ridicouls nature of the problem. I have come to see entities/patterns in myself like that too. Some arcane sadness and self hate can sometimes be seen from the perspective of the girl i love. How can this part hate itself if its such a beutiful flower? i say to myself, and its easier to integrate the sadness and integrate the incredibly beutiful qualities from myself that are buried in the mountain of sadness and hate.
I normally see the worls like a bare place of nothingness or annoying appearances. This is not the way things are because things are not a thing, everything is perception. I could waste my time with an awful suffering indution and plain boring perception or change it toward making the world a sacred place, a theatrical ouvre for enlightemnt as they do in vajrayana traditions. Lets try something. Look away from this screen and think about how this moment in your life is a dream with an ineffable meaning. try it and pay attention. Do you notice something?
I have known from reading thing online of a practice of watching stones first like they are just normal rocks, then changing perception as if they are valuable and beutiful gems. This kind of things are available to anyone but it makes sense to be easier to grokk by having had access to experience of emptiness. As you see emptiness more its easier to change your perception because you understand that this is just as valuable as another one.
This change of percpetion kinda makes you an artist of your own reality. Look at the virgin meme. I once was walking outside the gym, hunching a little from being tired and i just thought how maybe hunching is not so bad. I have tried to overcompansate for my bad posture by tensing myself in an uncomfortable position for a long time. This just adds another layer of tension to the wool ball.
That day i thought about how the virgin slightly hunched position might as well be one of the encarnations of avlaokevitsherea (just made up this name). The encarnation of the divine being of sadness and inhibition. Caring on his back all the suffering in the world so other less skillfull that her dont ahve to suffer from it. Taking it all in and not letting it go yet cause it will destroy the world with its impact.
Life is perception. How are you perceiving your life? your self? right now?